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Martin Lass - Astrology Library

Beyond Life and Death

Healing the Wounds of Death and Loss

by Martin Lass ©1997

In the September skies this year (1997) two major astrological events took place, both to do with Chiron, the Planet of Healing.

First, Chiron reached its halfway point in the zodiac from the time it was discovered in 1977. Second, it passed out of Libra and into Scorpio for the second and final time.

When it was discovered in 1977, Chiron was in Taurus, the sign that has to do with the material world... the tangible... the manifest... the earth plane. Scorpio, on the other hand, is more to do with the spiritual world... the intangible... the essence prior and subsequent to manifestation... the Spirit plane. From another point of view, Scorpio is to do with death and rebirth, loss, destruction and subsequent transformation.

Chiron, the Planet of Healing, initially indicates the place of our greatest wounds, the place of our greatest missingness, our greatest voids and our deepest pain. From here the journey of Healing is undertaken, Chiron guiding all the way.

With Chiron moving into Scorpio, we are being given the chance to address old wounds concerning the pain of death and loss. Issues around death and loss in our lives, past and present, are likely to re-emerge during the next two years. With Chiron having already touched Scorpio briefly at the beginning of this year and now to remain for the next two years, we are already seeing a greater awareness of, exploration of, fascination with and dwelling upon many varied reflections of death, loss and destruction.

Perhaps the most obvious indication of this is in the spate of television programs with themes around death, dying, murder and the supernatural... shows like "Millennium", "The X-Files" and "Profiler", not to mention the more obvious themes around death, dying and loss in all of the soap operas. Interestingly, as I write this article, a local survey of the top 10 best-selling books of the moment puts the Penguin "Book of Death" at No. 5.

Chiron's halfway point in the zodiac from the time of its discovery in 1977 represents a major turning point for Humanity. A new paradigm of healing is emerging in the world at this time. This halfway point represents the passing from subjectivity to objectivity... from the internalising, in this case, of private feelings of pain, loss and emptiness to a more objective understanding and appraisal of past events and present circumstances.

Many unresolved and unhealed issues of the past will surface once more, often in response to external events and circumstances of the present. This will give us the chance to come to different understanding of these issues, to heal them once and for all, to transcend our current level of consciousness that keeps us trapped in these issues.

Let's explore the healing of the wounds of death and loss. Let's go beyond our limiting paradigms around life and death, and come closer to the reality of Unconditional Love that transcends space and time... not just as an intellectual exercise, but as a potential real experience.

A Personal Experience

My father passed away in 1979. He was only 48 when he died and hadn't yet come near to attaining the goals that he set himself in his life... he was nipped in the bud, so to speak. Up until that time I had often felt that he was never really there for me as a father.

Throughout his life he seemed to have great difficulty expressing the feelings that were buried within him. In my perception he was very much tied up with his work and with his relationship with my mother. Looking back now, I begin to realise how hard I tried in my early years to attract his attention in any way that I could.

It was, in particular, through music that I tried hardest. This has given me the Gift of a career in music, which I love. When my father died, however, although I wasn't conscious of it at the time, my primary driving force was taken away from me. Unconsciously, I felt that the universe had betrayed me and had betrayed my father by taking him before his time.

Looking back now I realise that this was only the beginning of a new leg of my journey. From this point onwards I was driven firstly by the fear, although unconscious, that I might die before accomplishing what I had to accomplish in this lifetime, like my father.

Second, I began an unconscious search for something or someone to replace my father... someone or something that would approve of me and acknowledge my Gifts and talents. Lastly, it set me on a spiritual journey... the journey in search of meaning, of connection and a return to Spirit. This journey has spanned the better part of 20 years.

Thus it was, for many years, that I was driven by an unconscious anger at and a sense of disconnection from the Universe and Spirit.

In hindsight, I realise that this was my greatest Gift. It drove me to seek the highest levels of meaning, connection and healing... it drove me on a journey of discovery... who was I? Where had I come from? Where was I going? And why was I here?

I look back now and marvel at the perfection of the bigger plan of my life... at the guiding hand that has led me unwaveringly back towards Spirit, towards healing, towards Oneness and towards Love. Without my father being exactly the person that he was and without the exact circumstances of his untimely death and the feelings that it brought up in me I would not be the person that I am today.

I would not have the Gifts and talents that I have today. I would not have the same sense of connection and meaning that I have today. I would not have striven for the degree of wholeness, healing and return to Love that I have. I would not now be in the position to be able to share the healing, understanding and Love with others that I now do. I wouldn't be writing this article if it had not been for everything that has occurred in my entire lifetime, without exception... the 'goods' and the 'bads', the pleasures and the pains, the births and the deaths, the gains and losses.

I realise now that when he died something was born in me. I realise now that this illustrates a Universal Law... that with every death there is a birth... that there cannot be destruction without equal Creation... that nothing is ever truly lost... it is only the form that changes. The essence or Spirit remains eternal, indestructible and immortal.

When I think back now to my father, my heart filled with Gratitude and Love for the part that he played in my life, he is right there is my Heart. His Spirit and his Love are within me, beyond space and time. I realise now that in some form or other he was always with me, driving me, seeking to reconnect with me and compelling me towards the acknowledgement and experience of the reality of Unconditional Love. In a state of Unconditional Love he is always with me now, not metaphorically, but actually.

Transcending Illusions

Chiron's message in Scorpio, coming back to the beginning now, is that our perceptions of loss, death, destruction and missingness all Serve to take us on a journey... a journey that impels us towards the ultimate acknowledgement and embracing of Spirit.

Chiron says that the Gift in the Wound consists in the opportunity for conscious awakening, for a healing journey that ultimately leaves us more whole, more integrated, more conscious and in a relatively greater state of Love. The whole purpose of our descent into duality—into Darkness—is so that we may see ourselves in a mirror... so that we may awaken to our true nature as Love and Light... so that we may become conscious of our divinity as sacred particles of the Divine Creator.

Chiron says that our perceptions of loss, death, destruction and missingness are illusions... illusions that nonetheless Serve us. Healing is complete when the original illusion has been dissolved and transcended.

The final healing of the original illusion or wound comes with the acknowledgement of Gift of the journey that the original illusion and wound took us on. The essence of this final stage of healing comes in the realisation that what we thought was missing was never truly missing. It was there, but in a form that we did not recognise.

Let's explore this idea and ask a few questions that might bring about the shift of perception required for such healing to take place.

"Nothing is ever truly lost... only the form changes."

Modern physics acknowledges that the quantity of matter and energy in the universe remains constant... it is conserved throughout space and time. Although matter and energy in the universe are constantly changing form, the sum total remains constant and in a state of perfect hidden symmetry.

When an organism dies, its body is broken down into its raw materials to be recycled and utilised by different forms of life. Often these different forms of life are part of the biological chain that supports the existence of the original organism. The death of one organism supports the birth of another.

Throughout natural history the death of any given species has been the lever-arm for the birth of a new species, lesser in number and greater in consciousness. In nature there is never a death without a birth. The evolution of the species is dependent upon and inherent in this process.

If this Law of death and birth that we find in physics and in the natural world is a universal axiom, surely the same Law can be applied in a psychological context. When a person close to you dies, you grieve for their loss... you feel that you miss their presence, that all that they were is now gone. If the Law of conservation of energy and matter is taken as an axiom in this context, then all that this person was is not gone... their presence and personality has just changed form.

Asking Quality Questions

If this is so, the question then begs asking... if their presence and personality are not gone, then where are they now? If their form has changed, what new form have they taken?

In order to answer this question another question must first be asked. That question is a personal question for you when confronted by sense of grief at the loss of someone close to you. The question is: "What specifically about this person do you now miss?"

Make a list of every attribute and personality trait that you miss... everything that you loved about this person. Make it a comprehensive list. This has the effect, firstly, of coming to a conscious acknowledgement of the Love that you have for this person. This represents the first step in the healing of grief... so much of your grief is based upon unacknowledged and unexpressed Love.

The next step is to take each of those attributes—each quality of the person that you miss, each aspect that you miss—and ask yourself the following question: "Where is that quality, that attribute, that aspect or thing that you miss, now manifest in your life?"

If you look hard enough you will find it... it may be in another person, appearing upon or after the death of the person that you miss... it may be within you... it may be in the circumstances of your life that changed upon or after the death of the person that you miss... it may be a combination of all of the above.

We have said that, in nature, when the body dies, its constituent parts break down into their original raw materials and are utilised by other forms of life around it. Similarly, when a person dies, their presence and personality—the expressing body of the inhabiting Spirit—also breaks down into its constituent parts, each part going towards the fertilization and further growth of all the life around it.

Every aspect of the person that you miss so much is all around you from the moment of their death. So go down your list and continue asking the preceding questions until every part that you miss is accounted for. Then think of the person... what is left?

When all aspects of the presence and personality of the person that you miss are accounted for, only the essence remains... the inhabiting principle... the Spirit and the Love. When all aspects of the presence and personality of the person that you miss are accounted for in your consciousness then that person appears to you, in your Heart.

Dissolving Judgements

Perhaps the most difficult hurdle that we encounter in the process of healing the wounds of death and loss are our unresolved judgements about those people or things that have died or are lost to us. Often these judgements are unconscious, but nevertheless they prevent our Heart from opening fully and from expressing the Love that, although often deeply buried, is always there.

Along the same lines, another hurdle is all of our own judgements about ourselves in terms of what we have done or have not done with respect to the person or thing that has died or is lost to us. These judgements express primarily as guilt.

The process of healing both of these types of judgements is essentially the same. Make a list of those things that you are still judging about yourself with respect to the person or the thing that has died or has been lost to you and that you are still judging about the person or thing itself. List those things that you are still angry about, that you feel guilty about, and that you have not yet forgiven or accepted in yourself or in the other.

Then, for each one of these things on your list, ask yourself to following questions: "How did this thing that you judge, that you are angry about, that you feel guilty about, that remains unforgiven and unaccepted, Serve you and others on the journey of growth and spiritual evolution? What were the benefits, the blessings and the Gifts that this thing brought to you and to others?"

These are not necessarily easy questions. Sometimes our judgements are so polarised, so extreme, that it is difficult to see any benefits, blessings or Gifts.

The Universal Laws of balance and compensation, however, require that there be a perfect balance of benefits and drawbacks to every thing in Creation, to every action, event, circumstance and situation. It is only our limited consciousness, our lopsided perceptions and our polarised and biased outlooks that see things in terms of imbalance, injustice and imperfection.

So continue asking these questions, with the faith that there is a balance, a meaning, a Service and a perfection in the Universe, until your consciousness of the thing that you are in judgement about begins to expand and balance out. Then take the next thing on your list and proceed to ask the same questions.

Sometimes it will be necessary to have a third party facilitate this process for you... someone with sufficient objectivity and balance to not buy into the illusions of your judgements and your lopsided perceptions... someone with a healing consciousness.

By the time you get to the bottom of your list and all judgements are accounted for, balanced out and recognised for their Service, you will find that an overwhelming sense of Gratitude will steal over you, like the breath of Grace. And then, when you think of the person or the thing that has died or has been lost to you, your Heart will open even more and their presence will be with you in that place. You will begin to experience the miracle of Unconditional Love. You will begin to realise that, in that space of Unconditional Love, nothing is ever missing, nothing is ever lost and nothing ever truly dies.

"Death Is the Lever-arm of Life"

For every death there is a birth. This is a Universal Law. When we feel that something has died within us as a result of a death or loss in our lives, it is because we haven't yet seen, recognised and/or acknowledged the form and nature of the birth that simultaneously took place in us upon the death or loss.

Nonetheless, our perception of death without birth, of loss without gain, Serves to take us on a journey... a journey, upon which, we become what we are meant to become according to our Divine Design... upon which, we become what we are meant to become according to the Service that we bring to the planet. When this Divine Design and our Service is well enough established, the final stage of our healing is to dissolve the illusion of death without birth, of loss without gain, of destruction without equal Creation.

So think back now to the moment of death or loss and scan your memory from that point onwards to right now. How did your life change for the better in terms of your growth and spiritual evolution? What journeys of healing began there? What was born in you at that moment? In what ways did your life truly begin at that moment? What did this event help you to acknowledge within yourself that you were previously not acknowledging or recognising?

Continue to ask yourself these questions until the Plan of your life begins to be unveiled before your eyes... the loving and guided Plan of your conscious awakening and return to Spirit and Love.

"Love Is the Synthesis of All Emotions"

Each one of our emotions represents a pale and polarised reflection of the greater Truth of Love. Each emotion represents a polarised stance, a misperception, a judgement, a lopsided perception, an illusion in comparison to the greater Truth of Love.

When all stances, misperceptions, judgements, lopsided perceptions and illusions are dissolved through the healing process, what remains is Love... Love is the synthesis of all emotions.

With respect to the healing of the feelings of grief and loss, it is these fragmented emotions that prevent us from experiencing the healing power of Gratitude and Love. It is those things that have been, as yet, left unsaid, unacknowledged, unresolved and unhealed. It is our judgements against others and against ourselves. It is our ingratitude for the events, circumstances, situations and people in our lives that prevents our Heart from opening to Unconditional Love. Our ingratitude is based upon our misperceptions of imbalance, injustice, unfairness and imperfection of the Universal Plan.

When all unsaid things have been said, when all unacknowledged things have been acknowledged, when all unrecognised things have been recognised, when we have found Gratitude for all those things that we were ungrateful for, when we have begun to see the bigger picture and the miraculous plan of our lives... all that remains is Love. In this space of Unconditional Love those people or things that have died in our lives or that have been lost to us are there... truly there within our Hearts. This is the moment of Healing.

Asking the Quality Questions

Let's recap some of the quality questions that can help in the process of the healing of the wounds of loss and grief...

There are, of course, many more quality questions that you can ask on the way to the healing of grief and loss. Every question, however, takes you towards one goal... towards the unveiling of the miraculous and magnificent Plan of your life... towards the acknowledgement, Love and Gratitude for the part played by the people and things that have died in your life or have been lost to you... towards the recognition, acknowledgement and embracing of the Divine guiding hand that leads you eternally towards conscious awakening to your true nature as Love and Light... towards the ultimate Truth of Oneness and of Unconditional Love.

In Conclusion

I have seen enough miracles of healing of grief and loss to realise that, beyond all other considerations, regardless of the issues, events, circumstances, situations or people involved, beyond all judgements, fear and guilt, there is one common denominator: the Truth in our Hearts is that we Love.

The healing journey is the gradual uncovering, awakening to, recognition of and expressing of that Love. When Love is unexpressed we experience the feelings of grief and loss. As we work through these feelings, in the healing process, gradually our Hearts become free to express the Love that lies within.

Love is the only Truth. All else is illusion and lies. Nonetheless, these illusions and lies Serve us on our journey of awakening, on our journey of healing, on our journey back to Oneness... the return to Spirit.

As far as Chiron is concerned, the first cycle of this journey is only just half complete. The first half of this cycle, from Taurus through the first six signs of the zodiac, has been about life and the wounds therein. The second half of this cycle, beginning with Scorpio and completing the other six signs of the zodiac, will be about death and loss and the wounds therein.

By the time Chiron's first cycle is complete, some time in the new millennium, Humanity will have a different consciousness about all issues to do with life and death... a consciousness that recognises that life and death are mirror images of one another... a consciousness that recognises the inseparability of the two... a consciousness that has begun at least to transcend the illusion and the paradox of life and death. Beyond this paradox lies the essence of all Creation: Love.

Acknowledgments

I wish to acknowledge my teacher, mentor and fellow traveler in Spirit, Dr. John Demartini, for the part that he has played in my life and in my journey to the present day. Much of the wisdom expressed above comes directly from him and from my journey of healing facilitated by him in the last several years. Some of the above quotes are his.

Dr. Demartini has developed healing processes that are currently at the cutting edge of spiritual and psychological practice. Dr. Demartini has trained me personally in these processes of which I am now a certified practitioner. His main process is called "The Demartini Method" (formerly "The Quantum Collapse Process"), which forms the basis of his main program, "The Breakthrough Experience."