As an astrologer and healer, I have been working with the newly discovered 'planet', Chiron, since mid 1992. Chiron has taken me on a personal journey of healing and reconnection to myself and my life as well as giving me a glimpse at the miracle of other peoples' journeys.
This journey and the understanding of it has gone through many stages of unfoldment. From the initial recognition of 'wounds' and 'blockages' that were holding me back from realising my purpose for being here, to the search for the details of those 'wounds' and 'blockages', to the discovery of the psychology behind them, to the development of 'therapy' for the acknowledgment and healing of those 'wounds' and 'blockages', to the recognition of the 'Gift in the wound,' and finally to the realisation of what healing really means and what the ultimate healing process is. this journey itself has been a miracle for me.
I see now, that in my entire life, there has not been one small thing, not one circumstance, not one person that hasn't been of ultimate Service to me in awakening me to my life's calling: healing, astrology and music. All things served to point me to my own recognition, acknowledgment and, lastly, love for my own Divine Design.
The very things that I previously called 'wounds' and 'blockages' and that I felt were holding me back from being who I really was were actually part of the journey itself. I would not be the person I am today, with the understanding and awareness of my purpose that I have today, if it had not been for each one of these 'wounds' and 'blockages'. Every one was a Service of Love.
My life has been a perfectly executed divine plan that I stand before in awe, gratitude and love. I humble myself before the magnificence of the universal intelligence that guides each one of us towards our callings.
The Lessons of Love
I realise now that every lesson in our lives is a lesson of love. We are all learning to love everything about ourselves and our lives. That which we do not yet love in ourselves and in our lives rules us. That which we love we become the masters of. When we have learned to love a particular issue we move on to the next issue in our lives that we have yet to love. The time spent learning to love any given issue varies from minutes to a lifetime. Our only choice is how long we wish to remain stuck in any one issue.
The secret to loving any issue, event, circumstance or person in our lives is gratitude. When we begin to see how each issue, event, circumstance and person in our lives has served us, taught us, helped us to become who we are, then we cannot help but have gratitude for it.
The secret is: All is, was and ever will be PERFECT. It is our perceptions of these issues, events, circumstances and persons that judges them to be good or bad, right or wrong, black or white, etc. We are learning to love ourselves and our lives—to acknowledge the divine plan behind every part.
The secret of healing is that there is nothing to fix, nothing to set right, nothing to atone for, nothing to forgive and nothing to have to accept! It is our perception that undergoes the healing process! As we learn to love a given issue for what it is—unconditional love—we are healed. That is what unconditional love means, i.e. to have no conditions, judgements, expectations, etc., attached to our love. We simply love what is for being what it is!
Healing is the rebalancing of our perceptions—our perceptions of wrong-doings, unfairness, victimisation, harm given or received, loss, abandonment, neglect, abuse, etc. It is the healing of guilt and fear. Guilt and fear are the indicators of our misperceptions of past events and subsequent projections of future events. The most powerful healing comes from rebalancing our perceptions of these past issues, events, circumstances and persons in our lives. When we see how each one served us as an act of love we are filled with gratitude.
Gratitude takes us to a state of unconditional love for an issue, event, circumstance or person. When we have gratitude and when this takes us into unconditional love, we heal—we move into a higher concentric sphere of consciousness. We evolve. Then we are on to the next issue.
We now have exact scientific processes to bring us to a state of gratitude, unconditional love and healing. This will be Chiron's greatest triumph at this time in history. The stirrings can be seen in the world already. Gratitude is the key. Chiron's symbol is the key. The only question that remains is, "Are you ready to heal?" It is no longer a question of how to heal, but when do you want it?
Acts of Love
I would like now to relate some of the aspects of my own healing journey. This, I hope, will give an insight and a feeling for the nature of what we have spoken about above.
I understand now that my purpose in life is tied up with a three-fold expression: music, astrology and healing. Each one of these parts of my Divine Design has been awakened, nurtured and driven by sometimes different things and sometimes the same things.
Let me go into my understanding of the process of awakening to each of these parts of my design and how my perceived 'wounds' and 'blockages' have served to keep my on that path—how each of these perceived 'wounds' and 'blockages' truly constituted an act of love.
The Gift of Music
I always thought that my father wasn't there for me as a child. I felt that his attention and affections were on other things and other people. There seemed to be little physical attention apart from disciplinary beatings. He was not one to openly express love.
In my perception, he spent much time and attention on my older brother—sibling jealousy. I remember when I was about 3 ½ to 4 years old; my brother was standing on a chair in front of the grandfather clock. My dad was trying to teach him how to read the time. I know now that this was when the jealousy began.
From a traditional therapy point of view, I would need to heal the 'wound' of having received little attention and love from my father—the 'wound' of him having not been there for me. However, let's ask a few questions first...
What did my perception of my father's lack of attention and love to me make me do? What did my jealousy of my brother make me do? To answer this, it is necessary to mention that my father was a lover of classical, jazz and country music. Mozart was his passion. He also loved the violin.
So what does a child who wishes for his father's attention, approval and love do to please him? When I was 8 years old, I had the opportunity to have free musical instrument lessons at school. I chose the violin, despite the laughing and mockery of the other boys at school. I never knew exactly why I chose this until recently. In retrospect it is obvious.
When I began, through the healing processes that I have come to know, to make these connections, I also started to miraculously 'remember' things that I had repressed—things that did not support my previous perception that my father had never been there for me. Until this point, my perception of his lack of love, attention and approval drove me to keep trying to get his attention through music and violin playing. the very things that he loved the most.
What I remembered was that, during the early years of my violin studies, my dad encouraged me to continue whenever I complained to him about the other boys at school making fun of me. He told me how special I was. He told me that I had a special gift. He took me to concerts and bought me records. He nurtured my gift of music.
The revelation for me was that I had forgotten these events and circumstances and had hung on to the perception that he was never there for me. The amazing part is that the misperception drove me to higher and higher states of excellence in music. The need to please my father, to seek his love, approval and attention gave me what I am today in terms of music. It also gave him the gift of being able to listen to me and to feel his own heart expand.
From one point of view, his lack of attention, love and approval was an act of love that gave me my gift of music. From another point of view, there was no lack of attention, love or approval. His apparent lack of love, approval and attention was his way of loving me. What greater gift of love could a person have given me than to drive me towards acknowledgment of a part of my Divine Design—to drive me to be able to do what I love the most in my life?
I realise that this interpretation flies in the face of traditional therapy. Traditional therapy thinks that something needed to fixed—that father did me wrong. I know differently now. When I look back at my father now, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love for the fact that he was exactly who he was for me. The universe provided a perfect plan for me to wake up to my own gifts.
The Gift of Astrology
I had a violin teacher when I was in high school. I spent 6 years with him. My perception afterwards was that he never gave me anything constructive in terms of violin playing. In fact, I considered him to be truly destructive as a teacher because he always said I would never amount to anything but a second violinist. I also thought he was using me as a guinea pig in order for him to learn how to teach.
At the end of the six years, I had little to show for it in terms of violin development. That came in the subsequent few years. So, all in all, I felt 'wounded', 'abused' and 'used' by him.
For the healing of the 'wounds' it is necessary to rebalance our perceptions by asking a few pertinent questions. The main question is, 'What did he give me?' As a result of this and other questions, I have come to a different interpretation of these years with this man.
First, if he had been a good violin teacher, technically speaking, I would not have remained in Australia, would not have met my current wife, would not have expanded my horizons in the many different directions that I have. I would have been off to Europe to study to be a classical concert violinist, which is a highly restrictive and specialised career.
Second, his putting me down all the time caused me to question what I was good at—to expand my perceptions about who I was. He also taught me humility—one of the necessary attributes of a great artist. During this time I began composing music, gaining many accolades for it. My perception was that he did not support me. This drove me to gain support in other areas of my life—other areas that were part of my Divine Design, as we shall see.
These are indirect results of his method of teaching. So what did he give me in a direct way? How did he serve me directly to become the person I am today? By digging deep in my psyche for answers to this I began to 'remember' things that I had previously 'forgotten'...
In the violin lessons, which I never missed, by the way, we spent little time on music. So what did we do, and what did we talk about? Everything and everything else.
I realised that our conversations were instrumental in expanding my mind laterally into many different ways. The primary thing that we talked about, though, was astrology. I had 'forgotten' this until recently. My perception was lopsided in thinking that he never gave me anything except pain. In actuality, he inspired my interest in astrology and in many other things that were not mainstream.
He was a person, I realise now, that didn't follow the crowd; he was a free thinker and doer. I realised at a certain point in my healing process with regard to this man, that he wasn't speaking to the ego in me that wanted to show off technical marvels on the violin—this was what all the other teachers encouraged—rather, he was a man who was speaking to the rest of me. To my heart. To my soul. To my being. He awakened in me my awe and love for the magnificence of the universe—what astrology seeks to understand.
When seen in this light, how can I but have gratitude and love for this man who was instrumental in awakening a greater part of myself than just the ego? This man gave me the first step in becoming the astrologer that I am today.
The second step in the astrological journey came in the mid-eighties. At the time, my wife, myself and a close male friend were the core of a touring music band for close to 4 years. During this time, I was off on a tangent: I had begun to hate myself for what I saw as weakness in letting myself be the pawn of others in my career. I sought solace in spiritual pursuit.
In this spiritual pursuit I neglected, condemned, judged and denied my life previous to that pursuit. I neglected my wife, my children, my body, my sexuality and my career. I was in suicide mode with regard to my career, thinking that my calling was not here, but that it was to be a spiritual ascetic.
During this time, my wife and this other man became very close friends, seeking solace with each other. Needless to say, I experienced tremendous jealousy! At the time, I considered jealousy to be a curse and a measure of my lack of spiritual will. I struggled with it for two years.
So, in the healing process recently, the question came up: 'What was the benefit of the jealousy and the friendship between my wife and our friend?' On the surface of it, one would say that there was no benefit and that this friendship of theirs was trespassing upon our marriage territory. So I dug deeper...
What did I do as a result of the jealousy? How did I try to get my wife's attention back to me? How did I try to compete with my friend for my wife's attention? What was I doing at the time?
When I look back at this period of time I now realise that this was exactly when I decided to take astrology seriously as a pursuit and as a potential profession. Jealousy was the lever-arm to make me find out where I was not acknowledging my own gifts. Jealousy comes into our lives when we are far off purpose in order to wake us up.
As far fetched as it may seem at first glance, I have our friend to thank for bringing me back from self-destructive suicidal tendencies and to acknowledge and pursue those things in myself that I was either not acknowledging or was condemning. It got me back on track. I was so far off purpose at the time that I was nearly off the planet. He brought me back to earth with one of the earthiest of emotions: jealousy. He showed me what I was not acknowledging in my life: I was not acknowledging my wife, my career, my talent, my sexuality or the other parts of my Divine Design—in this case, I turned to astrology with greater force.
How can I have anything except gratitude for this man and the circumstances for bringing me back onto my life's path—for giving me my astrology career and profession?
The Gift of Healing
The last issue I would like to share is how and why I have become a healer. One of the primary searches for me throughout my life has been the search for contact and love. The perception throughout my life has been that I never received love, never experienced close contact. that I was an abandoned child, particularly by my mother. I felt that she was a cold and selfish bitch who never showed her love for me until later in life. The 'wounds' of a 'loveless' childhood remained nonetheless.
I always remembered a story that she used to relate with pride and apparent glee: when my older brother was a baby, she decided that she was sick of being woken up all the time at night by his crying. So she decided to teach him a lesson and left him alone to cry himself out. She left him for 5 hours, so she related. In the end, when he finally went to sleep from exhaustion, my brother was a crumpled ball in the corner of the cot. I hated her for this. And I knew that she had done the same to me.
Traditional therapy would see this parental treatment as an unpardonable act and would seek to help me work through the issue so that I could perhaps 'forgive' her at some later stage. I know now that there was never anything to forgive. Let me explain...
The perception of abandonment and absence of love set me on a search for contact and love. What we think is missing in our lives determines what we seek; this is a universal law. So I was searching for contact and love.
In my search, I encountered the idea of reconnection to my heart—to my feeling nature. I attributed my disconnection from my feeling nature to the absence of parental love. The idea of reconnection to this cut-off part of me was what I later called healing. Along the way, I discovered various parts of myself that had been cut off along the way and came to understand healing as the process of reconnection of the fragments. It was the process of 'wholing', of becoming whole again, of integration.
In the process I came to understand a great deal about healing from many different levels and disciplines. My search for my own healing brought me to the awareness of Chiron in astrology, the 'planet' of healing. My search for healing drove me to become a healer—to explore all avenues of healing for myself and for others. This is the symbol of the wounded healer, which is Chiron.
So, without the initial perception of abandonment and absence of love, I would have never been impelled to pursue healing; I would never have become a healer.
Recently, I went back in my mind, in a healing process, to the age when the first perception of abandonment occurred. I was a baby less than six months old. All in all I had only been breast fed for several weeks before being bottle fed. I recalled crying and crying in my cot and nobody coming. Here was the important healing question in this case: 'What was the gift of this incident?'
Put simply, it was that at this moment I began the healing journey. I know this for a fact now. I owe my healing journey to the abandonment issue with my mother. This was her service of love to me.
There is more, though. The next question was, 'If I felt abandoned and unloved at that moment, in what way was I not abandoned, and how was I loved in the same moment?'
This might seem like a peculiar question at first. The universal law states that there is no pain that does not have equal pleasure simultaneously. It is our perception that undergoes 'wounding'. In actuality, pain and pleasure are balanced at every instant. So in what way was I not abandoned and where was I being loved at that instant? I had to dig deep and enter into the moment in time.
I realised that it was that same instant in time that I truly knew for the first time that I was alive. In between crying bouts and even in between sobs, I experienced consciousness of myself and the world around me. I saw the play of light, sound and sensation, the miracle of life. I felt my breath going in and out. I felt my blood beating. I knew that I was being looked after. I was in the Universe's hands. I was never in danger, never alone, always loved by the Universe. And I was consciously alive.
The misperception of abandonment occurred at this moment when the lower nature, which seeks pleasure and avoids pain, made its judgement on the event. The healing journey is the journey of the higher nature in overcoming the illusion of the lower nature—in this case, the illusion of abandonment. And in the process I became a healer.
How can I have anything but gratitude and love for the miracle and magnificence of the divine plan that brought me to where I am today? How can I not marvel at my own Divine Design that has been revealed to me?
The Miracle of Gratitude
Healing is about gratitude. I have glimpsed the divine plan behind my creation and acknowledged the part played by my father, mother, and violin teacher (and many more). I love my father for everything that he was and was not—just for being who he was for me. I love my violin teacher for everything that he was and was not for me—just for being who he was. I love my mother for everything that she was and was not to me—just for being who she was. Without these people being exactly who they were, I would not be the person I am today. I thank them for that; I thank the Universe for that; I thank myself for that. I am grateful for my life. That is what healing is all about.
Perfection exists in every way throughout the universe. The more we see this perfection, the more gratitude we have. The more gratitude we have, the more healed we become. The more gratitude we have, the more love we experience. The more love we experience, the wider our consciousness expands—the more we evolve.
We are actually infinite beings, extending in all directions to infinity in the universe. Science is beginning to understand this in terms of wave/particle interactions and field theory.
Simply put, what we have learned to love in our lives determines the outer edge of our sphere of consciousness. What we have yet to love is what lies outside that sphere of consciousness. What we love we are the masters of. What we have yet to love rules us.
Seeing the inherent perfection and balance in the misperceptions that we call 'wounds' and 'blockages' brings gratitude. Gratitude is the levitative force that bring us to greater love. Healing is the process of discovering that our true nature is love.
Every day now, in the morning and at night, I list the things in my live that I am grateful for. I keep listing and digging deeper until my heart opens once more and tears of inspiration flow from me.
In this space of gratitude and love, we can hear the messages of the soul more clearly. We can know where we come from, where we are going, why we are here, and who we are. Would that not be worth it? The process is now known and is scientifically proven and repeatable. It's our choice now.